Urgh. Wedding Prep.

I think it’s completely untrue when they say that Ramadhan gets easier as you grow older. I don’t think it gets easier. No, it gets much, much harder. I’m more tired than I was last year, a lot weaker and hungrier.

You know you’re not going to collapse since you’ve done it, oh, for the past nineteen years.

But I’m only twenty-something, I wonder how much harder it can get.

Keeping the faith, keeping the faith.

***

I am, once again, losing interest in my wedding prep. Do people go through this? I find so many blogs where girls practically dedicate their entire living being to their wedding – on the other hand, I find wedding planning a tedious process.

The process goes something like this. Finding something you like “Oooh! That’s nice! I want!” and then dealing with vendors: “Yes, the pelamin of your choice is only RM 15,000, isn’t it a bargain?” and then, of course, my all-time favourite part of dealing with vendors: “Can I have a quotation?” to which leads to the inevitable chase down a labyrinth of no-replies and calls after calls after calls where they say something vaguely like ‘Yah…I’ll come back to you. Tomorrow. I promise.’ To which they don’t. ‘

One crazy chick asked me to put a deposit down first BEFORE giving me a quotation.

Am I being passive aggressive for complaining here? Yes, probably. But honestly, I have no idea what these vendors are up to. I know my wedding is about nine months away – yes, it’s AGES away in comparison to your average Malaysian wedding, but there is a reason why we’re planning it way in advance.

IT’S BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO PANIC AT THE LAST MOMENT. WHICH, IF YOU’VE READ THE COUNTLESS OF HORROR STORIES ON MALAYSIAN BLOGS FROM BADLY DONE DRESSES TO VENDORS NOT TURNING UP ON THE DAY ITSELF, SAYS SOMETHING.

And no. RM 15,000 is not okay for your hideous design.

So the shenanigans of our wedding vendors have left me unimpressed with the entire wedding industry in total. I am rather happy that you’re intended to only marry once – because wedding planning is far too stressful when you’re dealing with nitwits who can’t even do a proper quotation or reply to your emails without making all sorts of excuses and ending their emails with a ‘Sorry for the inconvenient’

I think the smiles on the bride’s wedding day is mostly attributed to ‘Thank God, this stupid thing is over.’ Tell you what, it’s easier to do a play in 3 months than to plan a wedding period. Of course, it would be easier if I only wanted a cookie cutter wedding which silly me, is not what I want.

Dang, if only I had RM 100,000 to spare (which is the only sum that most vendors are only interested to hear and work on) and all of this would not be a problem.

So, no. I am not enjoying the process. I am finding it tedious, irritating and am this close to eloping.

To all the other Malaysian brides out there, do yourself a favour. Either have very rich parents OR do it outside the country.

***

Okay, so I’m in a bad mood. I think it’s because my birthday is coming up. I hate to be a cliche and stereotypical but when it comes to birthdays, I’m like one of those moody people they show on TV series and write about in novels. The ones that sort of is a killjoy, or grumps away till late at night until their love interest sort of pops up with a cake and a single sparkly candle. And then they kiss. All is well. How sweet.

Anyway.

Birthdays are not fun. Why? Because somewhere along the way I’ve associated birthdays with a time to reflect on the things I’ve not done with my life. I know. What a joyous way of celebrating.

Plus, it makes me all melancholy. All my closest friends are not here – they’re spread in different parts of the world. They don’t forget – thankfully – but it makes me feel all the more lonely, it’s the time of the year where I remember that the people I care about very much are not here with me physically.

Ah, 30th August, be here and let’s get that day over and done with.

Having said that, you know what can make me very happy on that day? David Tennant. So. Mr. Tennant, if you’re listening, would you do the kind thing and pop over down to Malaysia and say hi to me? Not much to ask for. You can then pop over to Langkawi and stay at the lovely Datai or Tanjung Rhu. Very romantic.

With me of course.

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Saying Farewell

It has not been a particularly busy week for me. But sometime last Saturday, I’ve got a bit of a head cold and so the week passed by in a sort of a daze. Coupled with some rather interesting family development, the end result was a rather unproductive week where it was spent between managing family affairs, my cold and saying goodbye.

So this week, I finally said goodbye to a very dear friend of mine. I would be lying if I said that her leaving would not affect me. I think a huge chunk of my morose mood would be attributed to the thought of the year ahead without S. Despite the world being loads smaller -what with the internet and the cheaper flights, it means the end (for now) the random phone calls when you need someone to bitch with, the discussions on Bollywood movies and the long hours at a nice cafe.

Someone once said a nasty thing to my sister, ‘You don’t know what it’s like to grow up with friends you’ve known all your life.’ The remark, although not directed at me hurt quite a bit. Because unlike most people, they’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to have grown up with friends all my life, my friends have been transitory and one of the reasons, why I feel I’m quite distant with people I meet for the first time is because what I’ve only known in my short life so far are that friendships in the same physical location tends to be transitory. It’s always hard to say goodbye.

I do not resent S for leaving, but I will miss her for leaving. I am happy that she’s off to pursue her MBA at perhaps the best university in the world 😉 (at least in my opinion). She’s my second friend to go there – I’m a ridiculously proud recruiter for my alma mater.

But there are days where I wish where I would always have friends that I know off in the same place for a while. Perhaps it is not written in my destiny  to be so. It’s alright – it just means that in my life I have been blessed to meet so many brilliant people, even at that short moment. And here’s to our friendship, my dear. I am wishing and praying for all the best to one of the loveliest persons I’ve met.You go get your dreams, girl!

***

Up! made me teary-eyed. I loved the story, I loved the characters but if I’m being honest with myself, I’m getting a little tired of what I now can dub the Pixar formula.

It’s starting to feel the way I did with the Dresden Files. I was thoroughly addicted to Harry Dresden – was consuming a book every other day. Splurged and spent RM 300 in one day buying nearly about eight books of the series. When somewhere in Book 7, I suddenly got bored of the man and haven’t continued with the series since.

***

Ramadhan is tomorrow. Ramadhan Karim everyone or Selamat Berpuasa!

Deep Thoughts: Privacy or lack thereof

It was a nice long break from the blog. Nothing has actually been happening per se – I mean, nothing exciting. No, I’ve not broken my leg or won the lottery or anything. But the long break from my blog gave me sometime to think.

I have a love-hate relationship with my blog. That would be a little extreme. Blogging is a big part of my life actually – in a funny way, it also mirrors the extremities that I feel inside me.

A part of me wants to tell everything, spew everything – my personal feelings, my anger, my thoughts and opinion on every subject matter known to mankind. Another part of me, a very strong part of me stops me from doing so. For many reasons: from being judged, from being sniped at and from being known. Yes, ironically, despite actually having a blog – a part of me is worried of saying too much and therefore breaking my own personally defined bounds of privacy.

As one might agree, privacy and blogging don’t actually go hand in hand together. Whoever say otherwise, they are lying.

For the past two weeks, again I’ve been wondering and testing my own personal boundaries of privacy. Do I write about my wedding preparations? Would that essentially highlight the Cosmo stereotype of all career women tending to be insecure and looking for the ultimate prize – a diamond ring and a meringue wedding, husband and babies? Do I write about what I do for a living – including my fears and insecurities as well as hopes for my future? Do I write about what I on my personal daily lives – which honestly, isn’t that interesting unless you find each time I go swimming I fall sick somehow (head cold this time) ?

Or do I just write what I feel deep down inside, damned all consequences of what I say?

I disagree with the latter most, we live in a world today where those who scream and shout the loudest are heard and taken to be the majority. I believe that all writers, bloggers or mainstream have to take time and think about the consequence of their written word – the pen is mightier than the sword.

The question I ask myself all the time is – can I live with the consequences? It’s not as though what I write is incredibly provocative, although it does seem that way for some odd reason to some of my readers. Sometimes I find what I feel to be an entirely innocuous passage result in great emotion from the reader and more often than not, an abusive one. For example, my critique on P. Ramlee the Musical resulted in a very angry post from fans of the musical attacking me personally. Although shouting at me isn’t going to change my perception of what essentially was in my opinion an uninspiring musical ;-).

I’m getting better at handling abusive messages, even gossip arising from my inconsequential blogging posts but it still isn’t easy. At my mid-twenties, I find myself struggling still to be strong, to keep to what I feel is true, irregardless of pressure from any side to change my thoughts and opinion. I don’t quite like censoring what I need to say – but sometimes I have to think of my own personal mental health first. Or like in the past two weeks, as I was doing, wondering if I am strong enough to stand in the face of what people say and not caring?

End result – I’m not so sure still. I do feel that it’s time I be more honest with myself, and say what I feel. Will this mean I’m going to start writing long sappy posts about Eizwan? Unlikely – some things must remain private. On the other hand, it just means I’m going to stop censoring myself as I used to.

***

Godwin’s Law – It’s not just applicable to the internet. It’s applicable to the debate on healthcare in the US, it’s applicable to the debate on MACC.

Welcome to the age of hysterics.