Sacrifice

One of the best things about being part of a small family business is our family coffee time. My family have an obsession for ‘tea’ and what I mean by ‘tea’, I actually mean a time in between lunch and dinner where we have coffee, tea, cakes and lots of cakes. Sometimes it is just lots of coffee.

Of course, the idea is that we discuss business during these coffee hour but most of the time we end up talking nonsense. And now that my family had discovered Iced Australian Coffee from Ben’s, which, incidentally stocks coffee from Market Lane, currently the place in the world to go for coffee, we end up talking more nonsense. See Ben’s have these little placards that is intended to help the conversation. So we browse through them and pick a topic and see where we go from there.

There tends to be far away from work as possible.

Yesterday’s question was “If you could write a book on any subject matter, what would it be?”

My answer was the same. Still writing the damned thing.

Before I got married, a lot of women warned me that I should try and delaying getting married for as long as possible. Marriage takes up a lot of your time, you will no longer have any time for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve your dreams before you marry.

It sort of makes it sound as though marriage is a death sentence.

Well, now, one and half years later – the assessment is not quite true. If I had a non-supportive husband, marriage probably would be a death sentence for dreams. But I do and I’ve written about it countless of times that I have a husband who actively encourages and supports my over optimistic ambition of being an author and screenwriter.

Having said that however, you really don’t have that much time post-marriage. We live on our own, and even though we’re fair with the household chores, the house takes up a lot of our time. We are unfortunately, not well off enough to afford a variety of robots to take care of the house and despite my best attempts at training the cats to mop the floor, the only thing they would do is catch roaches. Which is good I suppose but since the house is pretty clean, it has left them redundant. Nowadays they assume their job is to frolick on the carpets and they do a damn good job at that I tell you, based on the number of times we have to vacuum the floor and carpet.

And here’s the thing. Between your real job of paying the bills, and busy household work, it is easy to let what you really want to do down the wayside. What you really want to do takes time, effort and a lot of tenacity. Tenacity you don’t quite have when you’re working a job and being a responsible motherfucking adult because really, after you’ve cooked and cleaned, all you want to do is fall asleep in front of the TV as opposed to sitting in front of the PC and cranking your brain to churn out at least 500 words.

When I decided to rewrite my novel, a very difficult and painful decision after working on it for so long, I set myself a timeline of when I would complete it.

That was of course, months ago.

In nearly 8 months time, I will be 2 years married and I am nowhere near close to my deadline of finishing my novel that I’ve been working on for yonks. And it is disheartening. My mum, the efficient android, opined that it was because I did not have the discipline to do so. I was very hurt by her remarks but it probably hurt more because it was true. To admit to myself, that despite doing all the things, I was still not doing enough was tough.

The thing about dreams is that frankly, it requires sacrifice. Nothing good ever comes easy. I lost weight this year, about 10 kilos. That required me giving up food and trust me, I love my food.

So if I want to get this done, I have to sacrifice something very dear to me.

Two weeks ago, I opted to sacrifice sleep.

You have no idea how much I love sleeping. I love taking long naps, getting into my pj’s and pulling the covers over me with the aircond blasting cold (sorry environment). Heck, I can even sleep in the warmest of weathers with just the fan on, I just love sleep and I try to make sure I get my 8 hours every night.

But let’s face it. I am not disciplined enough to write in the evenings after dinner. Besides, I also want to spend time with the husband. It’s not fair on him that instead of spending time with the wife, I’m working in the study. And frankly, I’m not that good at doing that either because I keep bugging him to come over and to show him a picture of a cat in a bowl. See? Cat in a bowl. So cute.

If I wake up in the mornings however, Eizwan would be asleep and there is very little distraction (save for Nadal the cat who keeps whining for me to ‘Feed meeee! I’m hungryyyyy!’) to work on my novel. So every morning, I set the alarm to 5:30am and I wake up, brush my teeth, dance to SuperJunior’s Mr. Simple before I do a bit of writing in the study before I go to work.

There’s something peaceful about waking up early in the morning to write. The mornings are very quiet where I live and it’s a relief to be working outside in silence. No one is online save my sister who lives in Scotland and so there is no one to pull me in different directions and there is no need to attend to any matters. There are no chores to be done at 5:30am, just one thing and that is writing. In a way, it is the only time that is possible for me to have time just for myself and I am starting to treasure these quiet and private times.

Is there a downside to this writing in the morning?

Sleeping during lunch.

*

Four days and counting.

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