So this year:
- I spent the first six months worrying about every aspect about the wedding – like the invitation cards, the favours, the wedding hall, the photographer, the husband (like he’d better not skive off on the day we got married)
- I spent June running around like a mad woman. I had wonderful friends who came over from different parts of the world, I had family and I moved out. Hmm – it seems like I’m forgetting something. Ah yes. I got married.
- I spent the rest of the year then getting used to moving away from my family. Well, all five minutes away. It was six months of building a home with Eizwan, going Ikea shopping, battling roaches and then giving up on washing your on bedsheets. The laundrette does it better. All very domestic – but all very fun, at least for me.
- I closed a few contracts on my own this year – nothing very big, but certainly very exciting for me. I also got my first paid work to do creative writing! I can officially say I am a screen writer. Sort of. It’s not quite on the screen yet.
- I fell sick. Many times. Over and over again.
Officially an exciting year I would say.
It did feel that it just flew by. Although I did know it was going to fly by. The wedding preparation took up a big chunk of my life and time. I remember at that time, I went through a myriad of emotions – a lot of doubt, a lot of frustrations, being nervous – that I did not have time to enjoy it.
Looking back, I have to admit – I sort of resented the entire wedding preparation. By no means I am ungrateful, I am forever grateful to my family and friends who bent over backwards to give me a very beautiful wedding. But a wedding! It’s just not for me. The whole experience was very odd for me, so much time and effort for just one day dedicated to myself and Eizwan – a necessity, I suppose, rather than the dream experience every little girl had wanted.
It’s the after the wedding that I really enjoyed. I am a calmer person and feel that I have a greater purpose and feel rejuvenated. There is a sense of stability that was missing in my life prior to getting married that I really value. Have I changed much since I’ve gotten married? I doubt it. The biggest change however that I don’t feel marriage entraps you as popular culture suggests. It’s empowering, it gives that feeling that you can do whatever you want.
Plus, now that I actually have more time when my life isn’t caught up with wedding. I’ve picked up again on the damned novel – of which I’m going to finish it this new year. I’ve started reading again – which is good, I’ve forgotten the pleasure of a good mystery novel.
I’m no longer just dreaming now, I’m doing. Whilst the past few years, the New Year’s gives me a sense of regret, a sense that I’m not doing anything with my life, that feeling has somewhat diminished. Do I have regrets? Yeah, sure. Insecurities? Yeah. Think they’re always there. But quieter. And with a lot more hope for the future. I’m really looking to the new years. May it be better, more awesome than this year already was.
Happy New Year everyone!