45 Days – Asthma attacks, oh joy.

“I’m so stressed these days. My asthma is acting up rather badly – I reckon it’s the wedding stress”

“I don’t see the reason why you should be so stressed, Adlina. You love Eizwan. He loves you. The rest are just details”

It has been an unbelievably busy week, and I foresee it will be an even busier week for the next oh, 46 days or so. I can just see it now – it’ll be some explosive arguments between me and Eizwan over some very mundane and minute details, before kissing and making up (heh), many, many more asthma attacks (which is a bigger issue than the arguments), more inches lost over the stress rather than the dieting and the wedding inches closer.

I do have to admit that I’m wishing that I would just wake up and guess what?! It’s D-Day! And yay, everyone I love is here, and I’m just here to celebrate and demure the night away (what? dance the night away? please, I’m Asian and conservative. Fluttering of the eyelashes, a shy smile is the only thing I’m allowed to do that evening)

But let’s recap this mad, mad week. I’ll probably be posting one a day because I’m mad (no, not really, I’m just saving one post a day as opposed to writing a 3000 word entry)

So we start the week with my asthma attacks.

For some bizarre reason, my asthma has been acting up terribly these past few weeks. As most of you know already, I am a severe asthmatic – many types of food and a slight change in temperature can trigger my asthma, the nebulizer and I are like best buddies over the years and I carry an inhaler with me all the time.

I’ve been getting attacks more and more frequently the past few weeks. First it was nightly – with no apparent trigger, and then once in the morning and then the evening. Now it’s about three times a day and anything people say that might stress me out would result in me wheezing.

I feel like the perennial bad guy in movies, when their dastardly plans goes awry they reach for the inhaler (Casino Royale anyone?). Maya reckons it’s due to the wedding stress which I must say if it is, I’m disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get this stressed over the wedding. And I find it rather silly as well – if we’ve run out of stamps and stickers to print the addresses on, it’s okay. It can be done on another day. I don’t have to panic and worry tha,t “OH MY GOD! Because it’s a day late, people are not going to attend and they’re going to be offended. Or worse, they’re going to do something else instead!”

It is hard to remember that the rest are just details. When you hear someone could not make it to your wedding, you can’t help feeling a tiny bit hurt about it – the bridezilla in you twisting it’s ugly head and bellowing, “Don’t you love me enough to attend?!”

And then you get all worked up about what other people would think.  Would you look pretty enough in this dress? Would your future in-laws think that you’re an acceptable (read: hot enough) addition to their family? (No one wants an ugly daughter-in-law, eh?) Would the photos turn out well? Will the dais look good (clearly, I have some sort of phobia hereI fear hideous daises )? Would people like the food? Would they make fun of me and Eizwan like the way I do when I make fun of my friends when they marry (Ah, well, in this case, karma is a bitch and so I’ve fully accepted they probably will…)?  Would they curse and moan that they have another wedding to attend (like what?! You’re supposed to CELEBRATE YOUR LOVE FOR ME! GOT THAT! If it means attending with a fake plastic smile, so be it!)?

And then two reliever puffs later, and lying down on your back to stop the wheezing and the coughing, I really have to remember, these are the details. God may be in the details, but I think in this case, I have to remember that it really is not the case.

It’s inevitable that I would be so incredibly sensitive about it. The wedding is important to me since it is essentially about me and Eizwan and you tend to tie everything, whether people would attend, would help, what they think of the invitation cards to what they think of you.

And I just have to remember, it’s not the case. I’ve said a million times before, the wedding will not define me who I am. And I think there are plenty of people who don’t think so either. You have the loveliest of friends around the world who will make the journey down to celebrate this special day with you. But your relationship with them is not defined by the wedding card that you painstakingly forced cajoled your brother to design (he’s still complaining it’s slave labour) – it’s defined by the coffee and long conversations on Saturday mornings. It’s defined by that time when you pretend to be a famous theatre producer with a friend of yours to outcon a conman (What? That doesn’t happen to you often?).

So the rest are just details. It’s time not to stress out too much. I need to remember to stress out on somethings that ARE important and take it easy on the rest.  It’s easy to stress out because even though they are just details, there are A. WHOLE. LOT. OF. EM. But I have to focus. Pick and choose on which details are worth stressing over. Stop making up new complications to stress about. What? No bridesmaid because she’s going to uni? It’s alright, I mean, what can you do about it? Set her uni on fire because WHY ON EARTH IS THE ORIENTATION ON YOUR WEDDING DAY?

Ahem.

I aim this wedding to be relaxing. I’m going for, brace yourself for the cheese, joy and love. I want that day to be joyful, I want that day to be full of love and happiness with friends and family.

Because you can’t stress yourself over love can you? And it makes logical sense to be less stressed over the details to stop yourself from keeling over from an asthma attack. I mean, you can’t actually get married if you’re dead.

Ooh, I’m being morbid again. 45 days and counting. Watch me throw my own advice out the window tomorrow and start stressing out.

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