Life, Death and the In Between

Whoa, bout more than 20 days since I posted here! That’s terrible of me.

Although, I’d like to say loads of interesting things have happened, that is actually completely untrue. Most of my weeks have been spent in front of my pc working, which unless you really care about what I do in front of a pc (I’ll give you a hint: there’s a lot of typing involved) it hasn’t been that interesting.

Quick updates however:

1. There is death

My grand-aunt passed away recently. That happened about two weeks ago. Possibly a reason why I have not been blogging or why I have not been well, talking much either was probably due to her death. I say probably because I am unsure myself. I have a funny way with dealing with death and tragedy, so much so that in my second year of uni, I had to see a therapist who helped me deal with my grandmother’s death and my mum’s cancer. Something that happened at the same time, a double whammy.

My therapist told me that I shouldn’t try to rationalize death but I do rationalize death. Even at this point, I  try to see the whole aspect logically. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. From Him we came and to Him we will return. It’s the natural cycle of life.

I suppose that it’s difficult to comprehend how much I’m going to miss her. It’s been about two weeks and yet I still feel like I’m going to see her this coming Eid. I see her every Eid and each time I go down to Johor. She was one of the most hardworking and one of the most noble woman I knew. She ran a kindie for under-priviledged children even though she was 70. She cooks well, and she nags me and my siblings to study hard as possible (she’s a school principal, what do you expect?) and then feeds us with food.

Yet, when I’m consumed by sadness and when I start to tear up, I start thinking that it’s awfully strange to mourn someone so deeply when they had a good life. Death happens and we move on. That’s what life is all about.

I once called Jo having a handicap in the emotional department for someone so intelligent (okay, I was less politically correct than that) but I do wonder if he’s…err…me calling out on his handicap was a result of recognizing my own weaknesses.

2. There is life

My friend Asyrul and his wife, Dilla, well, they are both my friends but since I knew Asyrul first, I still sort of see him as my first friend…well, I’m not making any sense here. Let’s start again. My friends Asyrul and his lovely wife, Dilla had their first baby yesterday. I am sure Asyrul is ecstatic and I am genuinely happy for the two of them. They’re the loveliest couple ever and I’m sure their baby is absolutely lovely.

I told Eizwan yesterday that hopefully they would have named their daughter Arwen because in the age of silly names (Battrisyiah anyone?), Arwen Asyrul sort of kicks ass. It’s supremely geeky and she would compliment my future sons, The Doctor and The Master. Both of whom will get PhDs and Msc so that they would Doctor the Doctor Masters Bachelors of Arts and Doctor The Master Bachelors of Science.

To make it Muslim, I suppose I could throw in Mohammad the Doctor if need be. Mohd Doctor MD.

Sounds perfect for future bullying. Actually, I asked Eizwan if it were egoistic to named my future kids with the names of characters that I’ve been writing. He said it was very egoistic of me. How very rude of him.

3. The in-between

In between life and death, I’ve been writing. On my murder wall…Kelvin gets such a kick from the “murder” wall, he reckons I’ve pasted pictures of various people who have wronged me in the past with targets and methods for killings…but I digress. On my murder wall next to my bed, I have notecards up the wazoo. It takes up most of my wall and all the way to my door.

But I have finished plotting and hopefully, that would be the end of me striking up odd conversations such as, “Say if I have to kill someone, how do you think I ought to go about it?”

So, yes, I’ve been writing. I’ve been writing shit loads and whatever free time I do have, is dedicated in front of this pc, typing away. And reading Doctor Who news (slow newsweek maaan, why did you have to go on hiatus, you bastards). And reading Fandom Wank (because it’s just so funny) and Fandom Secrets (because I think I’m starting to embrace wholeheartedly my geekside). Dad occasionally comes into my room to ask my opinion about politics which I will say something that contradicts his beliefs and then we get into a heated argument which deteriorates to mud-slinging and much shouting. Thank goodness Obama won (I was a Hillary supporter, I still do wish she had won the primaries) and now Dad is focused on Malaysian politics which I’m not interested in at all and I’m starting to learn that “Uh, ooooh, like that ah?” is a very good answer to opinionated fathers.

But mostly I’m just writing.


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