Thursday January 10, 2008


So Emo with my eyeliner…gonna cut myself, yeah…

There are days when I’m just emo! Yeah, emo with an exclamation mark, because it wouldn’t be emo without the emo!

Which is a shame that I’m 24 and I’m just too old to be emo! anymore. I’m too old to be sitting around with thick eyeliner, a long scarf that’s far too warm for Malaysian weather and scowling away in a mall. Plus, I am after a, part of the “teh suity” club and I can’t really misbehave. The world is too effin’ small.

I am currently reading a number of things, from Ian Rankin’s Rebus novel (a hardboiled detective fiction, to which my dad relishes the thought that it is a hardboiled fiction. “Rebus?!” he says. “What are the odds?”) to a number of angsty House fics online. I also bought another book out of Dad’s recommendation, Brother Karamazov by Dovstoyevsky. I’ve never read Dovstoyevsky or heard of him before till recently (okay, Sandra Bullock’s character speaks about Crime and Punishment). Dad admonished me over it, saying he loved Solzhenitsyn and Dovstoyevsky. Things you learn about your parents, I never knew my father enjoyed Russian literature.

The weather in KL isn’t helping much either. It rains practically all the time now, and monsoon rain where it rains by the bucketload. Rain makes me feel all melancholy. Rain is great for inspiration but it’s a major bother when it comes to running errands.

I have an upcoming Warwick gathering (which I’m glad that they don’t actually read this blog). We’ve been aiming for a gathering for ages but can’t seem to get it going without A pushing for it. The entire debacle (?) reminded me further of ties that bind between people. Thought of my little Warwick group, the analysts back at my Evil Org I used to work in. People tend to talk about ties that we have with each other. I disagree, I don’t there’s ties that bind. I think with groups of people there’s usually a central focal point, that once the focal point disappears, it sort of dies down.

With my little Warwick group, A is the focal point, if he gives up on it, we all give up. It makes me feel a little sad. But I wonder how a “focal point” is chosen. Is it the personality? Is it the person? Or by some random choice of the universe?

I’m writing something about that to explore that idea. Blame all the House/Wilson fics, they do something to you, makes you want to explore human emotions…something I’m not used to doing. Heh.

Posted 1/10/2008 at 11:20 PM

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