Tuesday December 17, 2002

“And if she asks you why,

You can tell her I told you,

That I’m tired,

Of castles in the air,

I’ve a got a dream,

I want the world to share castle walls,

Just leave me to despair”

– Don McLean “Castles in the air”

I’m unsettled. I have one thing on my mind and its slowly consuming my life. You know how people say, “You should talk about it, it would clear your mind.” The problem with ‘talking’ about it for me is that I become more and more consumed by it.

Plaguing thought of the day for me (not similar to the above problem): To what extent is professionalism is good? I’ve been thinking about the professional attitude (something that is lacking in Malaysia…but that’s another story for another day). Back in AES AES, teachers didn’t really care about your problems. There was this time when I had a music trip to Dharamsala during the weekend and on the Monday, I had a history assignment due (it was worth 30% of our grade). Even though the music trip was a compulsory school trip for the music department, Mr. Malone (my history teacher) didn’t give in to our pleadings for an extension. And the thing is, why should he? It really wasn’t his problem. It was mine.

Is it good? I don’t know. I sure as hell learnt that I can’t rely on other people’s sympathies to get me anywhere. Whatever problems I have, its mine alone. Kinda reminds me of a scene from The Fugitive:

Dr Richard Kimble: I didn’t kill my wife!
Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: I don’t care!

Cruel? Heartless? The thing is, things get done. I finished my essay on Monday, came to school late and handed it in. I guess to a certain extent, one should be sympathetic to some problems. Aside from major problems people face, why should I care? The thing about professional relationships is, is that it’s nothing personal. It’s just business.

Quote to ponder about:

“I’m sorry, you mistook me for someone who cared.”

(Laughs) I can never be that cruel. But I think, life is like that.

Just leave me to despair…

Posted 12/17/2002 at 5:7 AM


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